Two days ago, I made an incredible discovery. Yesterday, I wept for joy. Today, I belong. I am set free.
Wait, let me explain.
I talked about how unemployment was my secret gift for 2009. In that post, I mentioned that I was a Renaissance Soul, a Scanner of sorts. At the time, I had no idea what being a Scanner meant. I figured that it was a relatively rare thing for someone to enjoy many different activities and, at the same time, be completely paralyzed by indecision. As it turns out, I’m not alone in what I thought was a genuine disability: the inability to pick a path and follow it.
Before violetminded launched, I had blogged about my “jack-of-all-trades-master-of-some” dilemma in detail. Once I dig up where those posts went, I’ll repost ‘em.
I digress. As usual.
During my twelve hour shopping Boxing Day extravaganza, in which Mike and I went to Best Buy at 5:30am to procure another gaming console to (temporarily) replace the Xbox that RROD’d on us on Christmas Eve and purchase other sale items with Christmas gift cards, I came upon the most amazing book at the Richmond Chapters. Well, two books, really. One of them is sure to be a smash because Audrey Niffenegger writes beautiful prose. She made us both cry with The Time Traveler’s Wife. The other was a book referenced in the comments section of Danielle’s post on false necessity of being well-rounded.
Someone mentioned the term Scanner in the comments. “Scanner?” says my inner-monologue. “What in the hell is a scanner?” And I researched. I came across an eye-opening post by Rose of Magical Chest. She asked, “Are you a scanner?” After reading the definition of Scanner, I had tears in my eyes. In my heart, I knew that I was no longer alone.
And so, after a long day, Mike and I sat down on the couch, ate Turkey Sandwiches, and entertained ourselves. He played inFAMOUS on our brand new PlayStation 3 and I cracked open my new book: “Refuse to Choose!” by Barbara Sher. Complete with new book smell! I read the first chapter and wept with joy.
Unlike those people who seem to find and be satisfied with one area of interest, you’re genetically wired to be interested in many things, and that’s exactly what you’ve been trying to do. Because your behavior is unfamiliar — even unsettling — to the people around you, you’ve been taught that you’re doing something wrong and you must try to change. But what you’ve been told is a mistake — you have been misdiagnosed. You’re a different creature altogether.
What you’ve assumed is a disability to be overcome by sheer will is actually an exceptional gift. You are the owner of a remarkable, multitalented brain trying to do its work in a world that doesn’t understand who you are and doesn’t know why you behave as you do.
Refuse to Choose! – Barbara Sher
It was, by definition, an epiphany. The little faeries in my head sang Halle-freaking-lujah. The bright lights from the Christmas Tree shone on me. My soul did a happy dance. Hell, I did a happy dance. And then I cried. I bawled in my husband’s arms because I knew that I finally belonged somewhere. I wasn’t a freak that couldn’t figure my life out. I wasn’t a failure anymore. My many projects were the result of an inherent longing to learn. To grow. To move and shake my brain like it was a Polaroid picture. Contrary to the opinion of the world, I am not lazy nor am I stupid. I am not a talentless hack as I’ve many times thought of myself.
No, instead, I am a Scanner.
Today, I started on my journey to accepting who and what I am. No longer am I going to suffer through trying to make myself fit into a specific mould. My life has been changed in the course of two days.
Just think of what I could accomplish in 2010.
{Participating in Gwen Bell’s “Best of 2009″ Blog Challenge. Y’know, in case you were wondering. Insight or aha! moment. What was your epiphany of the year?}
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
“After writing a screenplay, or only half of it, she loses interest and volunteers at an orphanage in India for a few months.” – from ‘Are you a scanner?’
As I sit in India on Christmas holidays from the orphanage at which I plan to volunteer for two months (in addition to the month I have already spent volunteering there), I laugh out loud at the discovery that I may, too, be a scanner.
Oh my god! I totally came up with the idea of a Scanner’s daybook on my own and have written down plot outlines for two novels I want to try (but will likely not attempt for at least another year or two) and for a project to produce free education for the world, lol. Three projects outlined, many more to go. As a typical scanner, I’m trying to not get distracted by other things (given the importance of Project FrEd), but as a scanner, I lose and regain my interest periodically.
welcome! (from a long-time scanner)
Manders! I’m so glad you’re finally finding your place!
I always knew you were awesome! I’m not sure if I count as a scanner, but I definitely know what it’s like to be interested in a million different things and feel unsure of what you’re meant to do!
Hola! I’ve read both Renaissance Soul and whichever Barbara Sher book the term “scanners” came from. I am one as well!!! Jonathan Fields has quite the discussion going on about how we need to focus on ONE thing. I can’t do it. I cannot…
{ 2 trackbacks }