I suck at being a grown-up. I still watch Saturday Morning Cartoons, even on weekdays. I eat Reese Puffs cereal or Pop Tarts for breakfast sometimes. I love it when my nieces and young cousins come over because I secretly love to play pretend with them. I get lost in video games for hours and hours. I watch Disney movies in marathon sprints with April.

As a kid, I was Little Miss Responsible: conscientious of finances, attuned to the emotional well-being of my family, and especially mindful to the needs of my little brother. I desperately wanted to make everyone happy. It turned into a sort of complex for me.

When I moved out, I still wanted to make everyone happy but it was also the first time in my life that I had all the freedom I could ever ask for. (Take note: my parents were and are the most flexible individuals I know. I was not quashed under some totalitarian regime.) I had more money than I knew what to do with. I could go out all night and not have anyone worry about me.

In Which Responsibility (and Brains) Were Lost

I’ll be the first to admit it: I super failed at managing my money (and life) when I got out on my own. For all the life management I had when I was living at home, I didn’t apply any of it to the outside world. Poor money management led to bad eating habits, which led to weight gain, which led to depression, which led to worse money management, which led to worse eating habits, which led to more weight gain…

Damn it.

I was stuck.

At the time, I was just pissed off at myself for not paying more attention to my self destructive habits. I scared the people that loved me into thinking I was losing my mind. I scared myself into thinking that I was losing control. In actuality, I wasn’t out of control.

At eighteen, I rebelled against myself. I didn’t want to be responsible or strong anymore. I wanted to be a little kid. And yet, I had become the antithesis to my childhood self: self-indulgent, cranky, and manipulative. It was all about me, me, me and screw everyone else because Me, Myself, and I were pissed off at you. Something had triggered this response. It took a couple years of self pity and introspection to figure out why.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen, says my inner self. Time to pick yourself off the ground and stop having a bloody tantrum. There’s more to life than trying to be one or the other. Why not try being both?

Responsibility: A Four Letter Word No More

It’s been five years since I moved out on my own. I’ve learned a lot since then. Re-learning how to manage my life has been one of the biggest – and most rewarding – challenges. I’ve determined that there is a way to maintain a childlike spirit while still rocking responsibility. And by I’ve determined, I mean that Mike (my husband) has determined.

Side note: Mike should seriously have his own blog. His ideas astound me. He pretty much always wins at life.

Responsibility implies respect: respect for yourself (and your partner), the life you’ve created, and the future that you’re creating. It doesn’t mean that you have to give up everything fun and whimsical in your life.

Responsibility can seem demanding, “You must do ABC in order to be an adult. Go sit in the corner and think about what you’re going to do with the rest of your life.” In actuality, responsibility is a whisper in the back of your head that asks politely, “Remember to talk with your husband about that purchase. No, not because you have to but because you’re a team.”

Responsibility provides peace, not chains.

Responsibility extends to every facet of your life: money, relationships, goal-setting, making cupcakes, etc. It’s more about common sense than anything else.

What About Being a Kid?

Children are guileless. Energetic. Wild. Fearless. Ready and able to try anything and everything, especially if it means they get to have fun and connect with the people they care about. The knowledge of responsibility shouldn’t change that. In fact, responsibility should enhance that. We should be teaching our children that responsibility and maturity doesn’t mean that you have to be a grown-up. You can – you should – retain the wonder and delight.

It’s time for a parity shift.

How Can I Rock This?

So, are you irresponsible? Or are you too responsible? Is it even possible to find the balance between the child and the grown-up?

Hell. Yes.

• Take time out for whimsy: read a fairy tale (but don’t let yourself get caught up in unrealistic expectations); take a walk in the park and pretend that you’re in a magical land, where nothing is what it seems; daydream.
• Find a budget that doesn’t suck and stick to it. And by doesn’t suck, I mean doesn’t suck the energy out of you forever and ever. Look at it as an exercise in funding your whimsy.
• Create something. Anything. It could be a macaroni Jerry Seinfeld, a poem, or cupcakes. If you bake cupcakes… screenshot. Srsly. I <3 cupcakes.
• Manage expectations in your life: other peoples’ expectations of you, expectations of yourself, and expectations of other people. Do this for your work and personal life. You’ll be less stressed.
• Watch a cartoon from your childhood. Trust me: it’ll be so bad, it’ll loop back around to good.
• Collaborate with the people in your life: on decision-making, projects, love, problem-solving, raising kids, anything. Don’t bury your head in the sand and refuse help.
• Deal with it. Deal with your problems. Deal with your hang-ups. But don’t deal with it alone. Talk openly. Be honest.
• Be wild.

Let’s be rockstars, children, and wild flowers and still pay our bills on time.

Tagged as: money, responsibility